FORTUNE: The Way the Cookie Crumbles
HD Screencaps HERE.
Written by Anne Coffell Saunders and directed by Christopher Petry
The last episode of the blondie arc. This one is based on the film, The Hangover. Apparently Clark’s story is put somewhat on hold so they can do homages to films.
When the title was first announced, some fans thought Chloe would turn out to be Anna Fortune from the comics. Blondie is in the comics now only as Jimmy Olsen’s irritable ex-girlfriend. (A fitting fate since she got him killed on Smallville.) But we later learned Amos Fortune, a DC villain, would be appearing. He is a manipulator of luck in the comics and organized the Royal Flush Gang. Unfortunately for us, we didn’t see him manipulate anything but he did own a casino which apparently didn’t bring in enough money because he was resorting to insurance fraud. So why was the episode named FORTUNE? Beats the hell out of me.
PREMISE: It’s Clark and Lois’ stag and doe party. Zatanna (the go to girl for separating our great couple) has sent some magic champagne. Magic and Clark don’t mix. Mayhem ensues. Zee has been used in Smallville to disavow the Chlois theory (don’t ask), to show Clark’s strong will and great love for Lois after Zee straddled him for her own passionate kiss, and with this episode, the pairing of Clark and Chloe being twue wuv 4eva – NEVER HAPPENING. Why this far down the aisle of the last season we have to try to ‘fool the audience with a bogus nuptial’ – beats the hell out of me.
Clark was steadfast in his love for Lois. For some reason, Lois was regressed a bit to wonder why Clark would want her messy life since he was perfect. Really? She’s known this guy for seven years, has lived with him, and knows he is not perfect, nor is his life simply perfect. His baggage is big! But she loves him and his baggage and why she didn’t know he loved her and her mess in the same way – beats the hell out of me.
This episode was supposed to be fun if not downright nonsensical. It’s blondie’s last and the powers that be probably wanted something light hearted to send her off since Season 8’s Arc of Suck left everyone whirling in an abyss of what-the-frak.
Oh yea, I almost forgot. Remember the big villain reveal in the last episode, MASQUERADE? Well, forget it. Ollie’s Omega symbol is never addressed. I’m sure it will be important to us later on in the season when he reappears sans bride and hopping with hate for our hero.
WARNING: I have made no bones about not being fond of blondie. So be prepared for a total snark blowout!
Kent Farm at night. Lois Lane walks down the stairs in an animal print dress looking FANTASTIC and HOT. She stops to take in the magnificence of her man. We’ve seen this scene in SPIRIT and BRIDE. This time Clark is looking long and hard at his woman. “Wow! You look great!” She takes his breath away. “Thanks. It never hurts to change it up a bit,” she says toying with her engagement ring as if she wants to be sure it’s still there and that’s she’s totally engaged to the man she loves. “Except for the ring. I’ll never take that off. It’s my sparkly little ball and chain.” She’s nervous but smiling. Clark chuckles. “Do you have any second thoughts about your Girls’ Night Out?” She tells him her single days are over. “It’s just this wedding stuff is very wedding-y.” She had no problem planning it all last episode. “I never thought I’d be that gal.” Clark goes to say something but is interrupted by blondie and Tess. They put a fake tiara and veil on her head. “This is actually not bad. I thought I’d be spending the entire night cuffed to a blowup doll while wearing a dog collar, so . . “ She chuckles while Clark’s face says WTF? “With this thing, I will be drinking free all night long,” as she touches his arm then walks away. Blondie grabs his arm. “After all the years I’ve known you, I don’t think I’ve seen you this happy.” He one arm hugs her. “It wouldn’t be the same without you being here. I just wish I could freeze this moment in time forever.” Really? This one with your arm around blondie? Clark looks over at his fiancee’ across the room with Tess and Ollie, who announces the limo is here. He stands beside Emil while Clark and blondie are arm in arm in front of the crowd. Nice blocking to build the suspense there – NOT! Ollie reminds blondie about a toast. She flees across the room to trade places with Lois. There is no arm taking. “To the bride and groom, y’know to friends . . . you two amazing people have been the best friends I could have ever asked for . . .” Yea, it’s all about you, blondie. While Clark and Lois apparently ogle each other. It’s never a two shot. Blondie tells them they are all ‘here for you.’ It’s all about celebrating Clark and Lois. If only that were true. It’s blondie’s last stand for her fans and their various dreams and demands. The toaster reprimands the males not to do ‘anything that I wouldn’t do.” Uh, really? She has murdered, she has tasered her husband, she has run off with a boney villain, she has given Clark up to the Luthors, she has . . . oh, sorry, it’s too long a list to type.
Emil records the toast as they all clink their glasses. Clark and Lois have a private clink as the camera veers towards the champagne bottle on ice. Laughter fades to white.
Clarkie! Shh, he’s asleep and seems to be having a very pleasant dream. There’s crunching and munching noises. Clark, fully dressed in a tux, opens his eyes to see a very wavy S symbol burned onto the ceiling. He’s grinning as the crunching off screen continues. Apparently the S symbol isn’t a surprise – accidents will happen in the throes of passion with Lois Lane and also, Lois must need a very human restoration of energy after a romp with Clark so – yea, it’d be junk food. Clark looks over to see . . . a lemur munchy crunching a chip. The lemur gets off his stomach as Clark tries to get off the broken bed. This is when the world goes ass over tin cups for him. He has a hangover. He looks ready to hurl and he makes circles looking at all the crap in his room. But no Lois. Putting his hands over his face, we see he has a wedding band on and then he does too. A noise catches his attention as he walks over to the closet and opens the door. It’s all gauze and lace. It’s Madonna! This show couldn’t afford Madonna so we have to settle for blondie’s homage to the songstress. I’m Desperately Seeking Lois at the moment and I bet you Clark is too. Blondie probably couldn’t stop her yapping or harping so she got locked in the closet fully dressed! That was good thinking on Clark’s part. In wine, there is truth!
They say each other’s names as if there were strange. “What’d you do?” says Clark as he takes her hand to help her off the floor of the closet. Blondie’s coming out of the closet. Clark sees she has a wedding band on also. “What did we do?” says the girl who’s supposed to be smarter than two Kryptonians. Maybe she should have Choogled it first. She grabs his left hand as the lemur throws crumbs on them. They look at the lemur as Clark grabs his head. He’s in pain. Credits.
Kent Farm daytime. The lemur is in the closet as the door slams on him. “Stay,” yells Clark. I think he made a wrong move here. He should have put blondie back in the closet, but that’s just me being me. It would have saved us a lot of pandering though. Anyways. Blondie takes charge. THEY are going to figure this out. She grabs the bag of chips and tosses it into the closet. Clark, you were ahead of the game already – you had a lemur AND a bag of chips.
Clark is looking for some deductive reasoning here but blondie is going for the panic button. Two fully clothed people who did not wake up together stare at a broken bed and start talking. “You don’t think that we . . .” says Clark. Blondie goes for her lust wishes (see MASQUERADE) “Exchanged vows?” Clark tries to say something else. “Well . . I mean.” “Said, I DO!” Clark has a headache. “Both . .” Then she really kicks it into high gear. “Did the deed? Oh, God. Don’t say the word consummate.” She flings off her veil and hands it to Clark. Her apparent lackey husband. “The answer has to be no.” She brought it up! Clark looks like he’s going to puke on the thought of ever touching blondie or marrying her. He’s got Lois Lane! He tosses the veil away like it’s a piece of trash.
Down the stairs, the grandfather clock indicates it’s 8:05 AM and there is more strange things littering the house. “Okay. What if these are just costumes?” Clark says trying to make sense with a hangover and ripping the ring off his hand like it’s kryptonite. She’s screaming at him that he can’t be right. There’s a Luthorcorp sign in the middle of the living room. “Looks like things got a little out of control,” says Clark. Blondie takes charge with Chloespeak. Clark can’t offer any ideas since he has no memory of the night before. “Which is weird because alcohol doesn’t usually effect me.” That’s true. Clark still has his brains on. He checks out the champagne bottles thinking there was more than alcohol in them. Blondie finds the card Zee sent with the bottles. Clark didn’t realize they were a gift. Isn’t the Maid of Honor and Best Man supposed to plan these shindigs? The blondes strike again. Apparently the spell held a memory erase. “If Zatanna’s spell effected you then it could have effected Oliver, it could have effected all of us. Lois!” We hear Clark’s phone ringing and it’s under the piano key cover which is in the kitchen. Clark grabs it and answers with “Lois!” It’s not her. Big frowny face. “You have my wallet downtown?”
Big red stretch SUV limo with a just married sign on the back. Blondie deduces if Clark’s wallet was on the hood of the car it tosses the costume theory out. Why? She really wants to be married to Clark despite her occasional uck face. While Clark struggles not tripping through the cans tied to the back, blondie investigates the interior of the limo. But Clark has found a ray of hope. “Hey, look I got a text message from last night and it’s from LOIS. It says I just need more time.” That stops him in his tracks. “What if she doesn’t want to be found? What if this all finally got to her and pushed her away?” He looks scared and worried. Not because he might be married to blondie, Lois’ cousin which is a huge EWWW, but because the woman he loves has decided, for what ever reason, his baggage and this wedding it too much to handle? This is Lois Lane he’s talking about. He has a hangover.
With Emil’s pants in her hands, blondie tells Clark Lois would not get the wedding jitters. “You don’t understand this is not the first time she has bailed when things got real between us. First time I kissed her, she left town.” Where blondie told Clark all about Lois’ bolt reflex in KANDOR. He whispers the next. He is on a public street. “When she found out I was the Blur, she went to Egypt.” Clarkie, you told her to go in SALVATION because you thought you’d be with the Kryptonians on Apokolips and she went to Egypt to give you some space since you weren’t ready to tell her your secret. Blondie screams at him that Lois knows Clark is the proverbial one. “And besides that, weddings just aren’t that scarey.” This from the girl who had Doomsday crash hers and carry her off while her husband and her cousin were shipped to Star City so blahna could have her Arc of Suck. That was terrifying! Lois was gone for 4 months real time and Jimmy even longer. What the hell is she talking about? “I hope you’re right,” says Clark.
“Are those Emil’s pants?” Clark takes out a piece of paper from Emil’s glasses. Blondie grabs it from him. It’s half of a wedding certificate. It’s got blondie’s name on it. The witness is not any of their limo party. “Clark, we really are married.” Kent scrambles for another clue. “Emil, he wasn’t drinking.” As he backs away quickly, he tells blondie he’ll call her after he finds their friends. He does not want to be anywhere near matrimony with her. He speeds off and runs into the corner of a building. Chunks of debris fall to the ground as does Clark. He has Emil’s pants in his hand. He struggles to lean against a lamp post. “This killer headache is affecting my abilities. This might be more difficult than I thought.” Before he can take off again, two girls are walking by looking like they could have been blondie’s bridesmaids as they watch a video on a phone. They’re wearing shirts with EMIL in large letters over Emil dressed as Elvis. They show them the video and Emil is performing at the Ace of Clubs. Clark grins. “One night and he’s already famous.” The plan is for Clark to go see Emil, blondie will call Oliver and they’ll meet back at the Watchtower. Clark walks off looking at the damage he’s done to the building.
Note: Notice the whole time blondie is harping on them being married she never thinks of her cousin, Lois and how that would devastate her. See blondie always loved being A#1 secret keeper and Lois was just a fly in the ointment.
EMIL at the Ace of Clubs. Alessandro Juliani has a fantastic voice and was very convincing as an Elvis impersonator. He is then joined by Tess/Lutessa (Cassidy Freeman) who has an amazing voice and presence. It’s Elvis and Ann Margaret! Viva Las Metropolis! Clark walks in to see the two performing. Apparently they didn’t pass out the night before. “The one guy I counted on remaining sober.” A woman with a chauffeur’s hat in her hands saunters up to Clark like she wants breakfast. “Do we know each other?” She gives him a cheesy, ‘so you did have fun last night.’ He looks a little taken aback. “I’m looking for the girl that came in here with me last night. She probably insulted you more than once.” That’s our Lois! Damn proud. “She was there when I dropped you off but was gone when I picked you up? At the Chapel of Love,” she says as she pats his shoulder and walks away. While Clark ponders that info, two cops come in to arrest Emil. They have questions about an armored car being stolen. “You can tell the judge how you managed to make it vanish into thin air,” as they cuff him and take him away. Clark repeats ‘into thin air.’ Tess walks up to him. “Clarkie, there’s only one person that I know that can make an armored car adios in seconds,” she points at him.
Railroad tracks. Homeless person is stealing Lois’ high heels. This has not been her night or morning. But the person is kind enough to give her some holey boots. Lois is fully dressed even wearing a jacket over her animal print and Oliver is laying beside her in a green tux from the 70s complete with a boutineer as if he were a groom. So we’ve got the 60s (Elvis & Ann Margaret), the 70s (Ollie’s tux) and the 80s (blondie’s wedding getup) represented. Ollie puts an arm over Lois as she whispers, “Clark.” She immediately realizes it’s not Clark’s arm. “Hey! Hey, watch it, Buster!” she still has her tiara and veil in her hand as Ollie eyeballs the girls. She tells him hi as she sits up. “Morning, sorry,” he apologizes. She tells him good morning and that it’s okay. She’s got a headache and dry mouth and her shoes have been stolen. “What happened?” Ollie is kind of chipper waking up beside Lois. “I say we just survived the world’s greatest bachelor party.” As Lois struggles to get to her feet on her own, “No offense, but speak for yourself. My dream soiree would end with someone a little taller, darker and a different kind of handsome.” They discuss how they can’t remember anything from the night before or how they came to be on railroad tracks. Even though Lois critiques Ollie’s attire neither come to any conclusion why he’s dressed that way. Huh, an intrepid reporter and a crimefighter just overlooking obvious details. Neither would have to jump to conclusions. Both of their cellphones are gone so there is no communicating with the rest of the party. Lois realizes she doesn’t have her engagement so there’s no calling anyone until it is found.
Watchtower. Clark is soaking up the yellow sun still in a tux. Whoever got married did it on the cheap – tuxes probably rentals and no bridesmaid dresses for the girls. Was it a lightswitch wedding done on a dime? Clark is worried about the armored truck he might have stole. While Tess downs aspirin, Emil is in ‘prison’? Doesn’t there have to be a trial first for that? Tess is looking for missing vehicles and feels guilty because she’s the one to convince Emil to drink. Clark is worried about Lois and Oliver. He wants clues. Blondie comes in with two coffees – apparently Clark is out of the loop. The passing of the Watchtower torch from blondie to Tess. Nice job. “No sign of Oliver and I just tried calling the Chapel of Love, no answer.” Tess has Ollie’s and Blondie’s Credit Card records up on the monitor. Apparently Ollie bought something at the Talon in January (after it was blown up) and blondie went to Atlantis and footed the bill at some motel in February. And didn’t blondie get rid of her digital existence before she left the first time? Anyways, Tess has found an armored truck that may be the one that was stolen. Tess activates the truck’s alarm system and tells Clark to listen for a high pitched tone. CGI of superhearing. Clark is glad he can hear it, but blondie can hear it too. Tess tells him he’s beeping. Fake Madonna feels Clark up to find the remote in his pocket. When he goes to reach for it, she holds it back. “I got it, this time,” he says taking it back and zipping away. Blondie has a doubtful face.
Clark zipping to the Kent Farm in the daylight. Powers seem to be back in order. The armored truck is in the Kent barn with alarms blazing. He turns off the alarm and then opens the door while money falls. Apparently Clark went klepto when he was drunk.
Ollie and Lois in the bad part of town. “Clark’s with Chloe, he’ll take care of her, too.” Man, there’s a man passionately in love, huh. “I know, I was just checking out my single hand, my no longer engaged hand.” Ollie tells her she’s still engaged. “You may just have to let go of the ring.” Such a romantic! He’s going to buy an exact replica of her engagement ring to fool Clark. Lois is having none of it. Lie to Clark? Huh uh! “The ring that Clark gave me was a symbol of our love. The symbol of our future together. It wasn’t just any ring. It was THE ring. The big Kahuna. I waited my whole life to find somebody who would get this whacky world view and care enough to give me the ring. And the first thing I do is go and lose it.” Ollie looks totally disinterested. Are we sure that Darkseid isn’t in him? He’s not so flip now. Ollie says Clark will understand, he always does. Lois is livid. “We cannot tell Clark!” While Ollie tells Lois he will do everything to get the ring back – shouldn’t he be concerned about getting back to his ‘girlfriend’? Lois starts twitching because there’s something in her bra. “That’s not my territory anymore.” Damn straight, that’s Clark’s! Lois finds a chip from the Fortune casino as Ollie flags down a passing car. It’s a $500 chip so there was some high rolling going on. “Hey, look at that. Your Pointer Sisters just gave us our first clue as to where we were last night.” Too bad Clark doesn’t have his superhearing on. They thank the driver as they get into the car. This is just a walk in the park for Ollie apparently.
The Watchtower. Tess is madly typing. Clark has taken his tux jacket off. “I can’t believe on my first drunken night out, I lose Lois. I commit a felony and I land my friend in jail. So reckless.” Tess softly chuckles and gently tells him, “But oddly Clark, very human.” blondie bursts through the doors acting like a drill sergeant. Her exposition duties are not over. Why hasn’t she changed her clothes? She’s been to the police station and has files in her hands. Larceny? There’s no Emil there and no record of him being arrested. For someone who doesn’t exist, how in the Grand Funk Railroad did she get that? She’s just ridiculously amazing! “If Emil wasn’t arrested, who were those cops?” Oh, Clarkie is getting the idea now.
Emil getting beat up. Somebody has to. Amos Fortune’s thugs are doing their job. They just want the cash. Emil’s overnight sensation has put him at the wrong end of a fist. Fortune has been looking for him. Emil uses intellect to get him out. “It’s a fallacy. Just because the two events are connected sequentially doesn’t mean they’re connected causally.” Poor Emil. Pearls before swine. Unfortunately they have video from a back alley security camera. The one they were going to use to commit insurance fraud. Now you see it, now you don’t. Tess is filming Emil’s delight in Clark’s prank. Fortune is wearing Lois’ diamond as a pinky ring as he bemoans the fact they stole his money. “You took my lucky lemur!” Probably stolen, too. Emil states, “It appears to me someone was trying to prevent a robbery, not commit one.” The thugs are not impressed with his insight or his protection of his friends. “Break him.”
Fortune’s casino. Ollie and Lois arrive trying to retrace their gambling steps. “I was three time black jack champion at Fort Dix. Oh, my God! What if I bet the ring?” Ollie doubts that it happened that way. My question is – why were they gambling? For Ollie and blondie’s benefit? Isn’t this supposed to be Clark and Lois’ celebration? The blondes strike again. A bouncer comes over and tells Lois she was supposed to stay away. “My friend here, she lost a ring last night. Do you have any idea. . . “ The guy tells them Lois did bet her engagement ring. “Did I call it or did I call it?” says wronged engaged woman. Lois was raking it in and trash talking the boss so he won her ring from her. Adamantly Lois tells Oliver, “This is not possible. Not in this lifetime. The only conceivable way that I would bet the ring was if it were a sure thing.” The guy puts her off and Lois wonders if she was scammed. “Your boss stacked the deck, right?” She looks over to see her engagement ring on Fortune’s finger. Lois will not be cheated out of her happily ever after. Rolling up her sleeves, “Here comes the bride!” She’s stopped by a thug as the dancing girls come out on stage. Ollie is totally distracted. If he went to get her to go gambling – obviously knowing she was a sure thing, I wonder if the blondes even thanked her for her trouble. Ollie is so disinterested in what is going on. There’s no fire in his gut. There’s no bemoaning not finding Chloe or even being able to contact her.
Security takes them and ties them up (with duct tape) in the dressing room of the show girls. The scene is reminiscent of SIREN only Lois doesn’t get kicked in the head twice. Our girl just wants her ring back. She was so close to ripping it off Fortune’s finger. She also despises being cheated. Ollie sees a way out by hopping their chairs towards a sharp piece of metal. “Little tied up right now,” which is what Ollie said to her in SIREN. He chuckles. As they shuffle the chairs, Lois expounds. “I should have known all this bridal hoopla was too good to be true. All my prenuptial bliss was just one right click away from bridal apocalypse.” As Ollie rubs his taped wrists on the metal, he tells Lois to ease up on herself. She hasn’t ruined anything. “You still don’t get it. I did not want to be the bride waving her freak flag down the aisle, okay? I wanted this to be perfect, not my normal mess.” Ollie offers, “We’re all a mess. Okay? Let’s be fair.” Lois shakes her head. “Not Clark. No. Clark would never lose his ring, he . . Do you have any idea how much pressure there is being engaged to walking perfection?” She has tears in her eyes as Ollie cuts the tape. He frees Lois. “Do you know how much pressure there is fighting crime next to walking perfection?” Ollie wants to leave. “No! We’re not leaving without my ring.” Ollie thought they were past that. Really? “Well we’re not!”
Unable to escape except the stage. Ollie bemoans he didn’t bring his Green Arrow gear to the bachelor party. He has an idea while looking at the dancing costumes. Lois sees what he’s staring at. Oh no, not again.
Clark and Ms. Exposition enter the casino which is linked to the fake cops. “Which means Emil could be in danger,” says Clark. Chloespeak appears. Clark is going in the other room to try to blend in. He’s always saying that. SUPERGIRL. Yes, that’s right. Clark is not allowed to see Lois or Ollie. It’s blondie’s last hurrah. She sees Lois . . .and Oliver dressed as showgirls. Think Priscilla Queen of the Desert – y’know the film where the voice of Jor-El said, “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. No more fucking ABBA.!” Love that line. Justin is no Guy Pearce but he does shimmy well. Hysterical!
As the showgirls go into the audience, Lois tries to put the moves on Fortune to get closer to her ring. But apparently he likes big burly women with no boobs. Yea, Ollie. While Ollie thanks him for his lame come ons, he spies blondie. “That’s her! The Blonde!” Love it when the bad guys get one right. “She’s one of the crew that stole the money.” Lois sees her in while Fortune is distracted. “Chloe run!” Lois grabs some oil and gets her ring off the villain’s finger. Ollie with stilettos in his hands goes in for the assist and sends Amos across the room. Someone grabs blondie and she does the Lana Fu thing, blonde version. Grabs the guy’s guns and goes John Woo on the place. Ho hum. Meanwhile, Lois Lane intrepid reporter and fearless crusader resorts to crawling on the floor going after her ring while her cousin, supposed bride of Lois’ fiance fights like Clint Eastwood. Oliver does get some GA moves in even without the leather. He knows how to wield a shoe. Ollie goes shirtless. Quelle surprise! Was there a doubt? As Lois finds her ring and swears never to bet it again, Fortune grabs her by the throat. Doesn’t she have a fiance that’s a superhero with superhearing and x-ray vision and what not? Still hasn’t learned her heartbeat yet apparently. So Lois’ ring is Fortune’s lucky ring – really, he’s lost a lot of money and people are shooting up his place. Ollie declares himself the only one getting lucky. The blondes call each other Gorgeous and Hotstuff but there is no kissing or hugging. Lois is mundo happy her ring is back on her finger. Gee, blondie, want to break the news to your cuz you married Clark? You kept trying to convince him of it at the beginning of the episode.
Meanwhile back in the back room. Evil thugs put Emil’s head in a vice because he won’t tell them who took the truck. He figures out Fortune’s insurance scam as they tighten the screws. “Oh I really wish I didn’t understand the physics of this.” I love Emil! As he screams, Clark supershoves one of the thugs. Where has he been? He tears away the vice and tells his friend that he’s safe now. Handing Emil his glasses, Clark says, “Look, I need some answers about what happened last night.” Emil puts on his glasses. “Get in line.”
No reunion scene for Clark and Lois. Not allowed even though it was their stag and doe party. This is about blondie, silly! See next scene.
The inevitable loft scene. Blondie is in the loft. Who would have guessed? The sun is shining. “Chloe?” She seems amused by something. She congratulates Clark on surviving his bachelor party. “And the million dollar morning after mistake.” Would that be the assumption you two were married? Oh yea the armored truck – which turned out Clark did the right thing afterall. So not a mistake. Walking Perfect strikes again. Go Clark!
“There’s still one thing we have to do . . .undo,” says adamant Clark. Blondie says something confusing. “I got through to the chapel and they told me that the whole best friend masquerading as the bride-to-be was just a drunk prank.” Did she lie to still make Clark think they had stood side by side and said vows, prank or not. Oh well, the Chloe&Clark fans will love it. Rolling my eyes. Clark is totally relieved. He did have fun. He gets nostalgic. His current partner in crime has him covered. “Lois and I are pretty good together.” Make that great together. He questions blondie about saying goodbye. She won’t let Oliver give up his world for her. Clark tells her she’s the heart and soul of Watchtower. **hugs Tess** “But I can’t be Watchtower anymore. I’ve already been the ghost in the machine once, I can’t do it again.”
There’s a What the Frak scene. Apparently it was blondie who believed in Clark first. Not the Kents. “Someone who helps inspire them to greatness.” She’s so modest speaking in the third person. So now Mary Sue’s true calling is “finding heroes and helping them realize their true potential.” Clark is not alone. Apparently blondie was globetrotting – is that before or after she blackmailed the Suicide Squad? Busy bee! “A billionaire with high tech toys and a wondrous woman who is going to throw you for a loop.” Gee, how did the DCU ever survive for decades before AlMiles created blondie? Talk about delusions of grandeur!!! She’s ridiculously amazing! Clark thinks it sounds lonely. She’s following Clark’s lead in getting a double identity. Doesn’t she have no identity digitally so she creates two??? She’s going to be working at the Star City register by day. Vows of friendship. And they make Clark say, I do.” Rolling my eyes. They hug. So blondie is EVERYTHING and NOTHING. Yep, once a Mary Sue always a Mary Sue. Ba-bye!
Not as painful as Season 8’s Arc of Suck, but we know Lois has his back now. Our couple is strong. Clark and Lois.
Emil and Tess at Watchtower! I like these two together. She gets softer and shows her heart as well as her brains and he is brainy but with a great bedside manner apparently. Go Doc! Emil is typing away as Tess grins at him. “Hey Hound Dog!” she teases. He grins despite saying, “I suppose that’s supposed to be humorous?” Tess is nearly chuckling. “It was a nice surprise. To see our mild mannered doctor have a special power of his own.” Emil looks serious. “I haven’t done something like that since, well, since my wife passed away.” Ahhhh. **hugs Emil** “She used to love for me to sing to her.” Tess stares admiringly at him. “Don’t give it up.” He looks at her waiting. “She wouldn’t have wanted you to.” They share a moment.
Lois bursts through the door with the camera in her hands. She has the smoking gun. Emil goes back to typing as Tess’ eyes get big and she tries to hide while standing in place. “I suspect that inside this little puppy are the answers to all our burning questions,” says the Reporter. Clark looks curiously at Emil and then at Lois holding the camera. While Tess makes a run for it, Emil tries to act nonchalant. “Oh, of course, my camera. I forgot that I . . .” Tess grabs the camera from Lois stating it looks really damaged. Clark and Lois stare at her unusual behavior. “ . . was documenting the entire evening,” says wary Emil. Ollie grabs the camera from Tess wondering if they should play it. Emil streaks across the room to grab it while Ollie states he found it in a puddle of champagne in the limo. He wants champagne. Everyone else moans. Clark turns his back as Lois grabs her ring and does the same. Emil tells them there is sparkling cider in the fridge that wasn’t charmed by Zee.
Lois leaves Clark side with a signal from blondie. Clark smiles at her and helps Tess move the couch (which is on wheels, no biggie). No goodbye speech between the cousins. Really? Blondie carries four glasses across the room. Clark and Lois stare adoringly at each other. Clark walks over to her. She hands him the cider. “I’m so gun shy I don’t even know if I can try it.” Lois chuckles. “Here’s the thing, Clark. I, uh, I bet the ring. I mean I got it back, but . . . please forgive me.” I love this woman! Admits wrong and goes for the truth. “Lois, there’s nothing to forgive,” he says smiling as he hugs her. YAY Hugs! “The ring is not what’s important.” Is this a guy thing? “You are.” She gets dreamy eyed at her guy. “But I have a bit of a confession myself. Um, when I woke up this morning and you were gone, I thought I’d scared you away somehow.” Lois drops her shoulders. “Yea, I’m sorry. I know that I have the runaway girlfriend thing, too.” She cringes. Clark stammers. “If all this wedding mess is getting to be too much then . . .” “No! It’s not that. It’s . . hard to explain.” They’re hashing it out. Love these two. “You don’t need to explain.” She looks up in wonder at him. “I just want you to know . . . if you’re having doubts deep down inside or you’re not one hundred percent sure that this is the right thing to do . . . I will understand.” He gives her a grin. He’s very comforting. “I’m going to want to marry you in five days or in five years.” She grins. “That was the perfect thing to say.” Lois nods at him. He gives her a grin and seems to reach for her hand. Tess interrupts with an announcement. Clark turns to see they’re about to begin. He looks at Lois and heads for the couch. He must be anxious to see what happened. Lois takes a breath and puts a smile on her face as she heads to the others. The file may be corrupted.
Clark looks up at Lois smiling as she sits beside him. He’s sitting on the arm of the couch. He seems nervous. The reveal tape was awesome. I wish we could have seen more of it. Could we get scenes on the DVD? At the Kent house, Lois is wielding a fire extinguisher. “Clark!” Clark has his back to the camera. “Sorry, you said you were cold.” Drunk Kryptonian missed the fireplace and hit the wall. Couch Clark and Lois put their hands over their mouths to giggle. “Hey, uh, . . “ We see Drunk Clark stare deeply into the camera while Crowned Lois watches him in the background. This is a great shot as the video scene plays between Clark and Lois on the couch. Reminded me of comic book drawings. FABULOUS! “Lois! If you’re watching this twenty years from now, just know that YOU ARE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!” **hugs Clark** Bout time he said it out loud! Hehehehe There should be a parade. Monumental moment! Lois and he on the couch stare with grins on their faces as Lois pats his back. Clark on film walks off camera while saying, “Um, I’m really feeling this,” while Lois on film has her hand over her mouth. She’s heard it all. Clark on couch puts his face into a hand while Lois looks curiously on and toys with her ear. Not exactly an in synch reaction shot. Some fans believe that after that, Clark whisked Lois up to the bedroom to break the bed and burn a symbol in the ceiling. That’s a good thought.
Oliver and Emil versus Tess and blondie. They’re all smashed. Oliver boasts alcohol doesn’t effect him. So Tess blows at them and he and Emil topple over. Big smiles from audience Tess and Oliver. Clark is laughing with a big smile. So great to see. Inside the limo, they are all wearing what they had on at the house. Clark is pouring a drink while Tess holds the glass and stares at Emil with the camera. They all want him to drink. Clark especially. “Drink it! Drink it!” Audience Emil shakes his head in amazement as Clark smiles broadly. In the limo Ollie asks Clark if he’s really made of steel. Someone, probably Tess, grabs the camera and takes a pic of Emil yelling. He puts a hand on his head while laughing at the film. Bride-to-be Lois is sitting atop the limo roof with two drinks in her hand and does a cheer.
A men’s room door. Clark and Ollie are inside while Clark examines a wedding band on his finger. Ollie has his green tux and boutineer on and Clark is wearing the dark tux. So bridegroom Ollie? Ollie tells Clark he’s not thinking it through. “How much did this cost you?” “Nothing,” says drunk Clark. “That’s a woman’s ring! Alright. These are twenty dollar rings out of a vending machine. She deserves better than that, right?” Hiccups Ollie. Then he turns on the camera (Emil). “How about a little privacy there, Blair Witch? Now.” Before Ollie’s hand covers the lens, we see Clark give us a sweet toothy grin. Then Clark is trying to get the ring off. “I wouldn’t be caught dead in that thing,” says Ollie. Clark snorts and laughs.
Outside the casino, blondie and Tess are standing by the limo. Blondie in her Madonna outfit as Ollie runs in with his hand between his face and blondie’s view. It’s that whole can’t see the bride before the ceremony routine. He grabs Lois. “I need your help.” Lois says okay and acts like it’s a secret as they run off from the bride and a laughing Tess. So this must be where Oliver decided his best man (Clark) didn’t get the bride (Chloe) good enough rings so he got the sure thing to get some money, Lois to gamble his way to a better ring. Meanwhile Emil and blondie have their arms around one another. As Clark walks in with the Luthercorp sign.
Clark on couch takes his hand from his chin and turns to Lois. You know, I . . I can’t . . .” He tries to get away but she grabs his arm and pulls him back down on the couch. He’s staying until the finish. Clark on screen points heroically. “Mon-key.” The lemur is eating in the front seat of the truck. Blondie lets out this gleeful cry of Monkeeeeey as she runs for the truck. There’s the fake robbery being committed and drunk Clark is on the job! “Watch this!” he says to the camera as he zips around knocking out the bad guys and taking the truck away. Blondie says ‘Ta da!” Lois and Oliver missed this part. Cheers from the couch as Walking Perfect gets his due. On screen, Clark walks over to Emil with the lemur on his shoulder. “Check it out! Check it out!” Emil is laughing hysterically. “I’d like to introduce you to somebody . . .” Emil asks what his name is. “This is, uh, the Doctor . . .Lemur.” Blondie and Oliver have a moment in the Watchtower dark as blondie heads for the hills.
Emil and the two girls who were wearing his shirts are in the limo. He’s Elvis now and talks about the responsibilities of being the King. Reaction shot where everyone is smiling including Oliver. Emil wearing boxer shorts and sock garters in Tess’ office at the DP. He’s pouring champagne into a glass. Audience Emil lets out a moan as if his fears have been realized. Tess hears her laughter on film and has the same realization. On screen Emil says, “You can’t handle what I’ve got,” as he goes into some Elvis moves. Tess cheers him on as he tosses the glass. Yeaaaa!!! “C’mere Baby Doll.” He grabs the camera from her. “Let’s see what you got . . . Ohhhh. Oh don’t be coy, Honey. C’monnnn.” Tess is only wearing a sexy slip and modeling for him. Audience Tess makes a grab at the camera as Clark groans and puts a hand over his eyes. Lois pinches her nose as Tess on screen grabs the camera and puts it somewhere to film her and Emil lying together and kissing. Watchtower Emil says something about the power button as he climbs over the back of the couch to help Tess turn it off. Clark still has his eyes covered as Lois rubs his back. “This is great stuff. Real proud of ya,” says Ollie. Tess and Emil are still trying to find the power button — onscreen and off. [wink]
I guess it was asking too much to have the last scene be of Clark and perhaps Lois. Yep. Blondie is sneaking away. Ollie calls out to her. She reminds him they were going to see each other at his place later. A likely story. “You’re leaving again, right?” He didn’t want her to wait for him. “I have something.” He hands her his half of the wedding certificate. So blondie must have known when she called the chapel and then lied to Clark about the prank thing. And when in the hell did Oliver find his half of the license? There must have not been a ceremony since Oliver and Lois were trying to get enough money to purchase decent rings. And who stages their own wedding when they’re supposed to be hosting their best friends’ stag and doe party? Selfish lightswitched mess! And the certificate is ripped – who did that? Blondie is getting the works. She’s married again. Remember a monster showed up at the last wedding – and she had a real husband. Maybe Darkseid will show up for this one. THAT I would like to see, but . . .I’ll take the deal that we don’t have to see blondie ever again. Her fans have gotten all they’ve wanted and then some. So did she see this all unfold when she put on Dr. Fate’s helmet? Yea, yea. I’m supposed to forget stuff.
RATING: Clark and Lois 10+. It’s them, HELLO! 5 out of 10 Panda-rings for the blondie stuff. I was hoping that just once before the show ended that Clark out of control would be with his Lois. Guess I can just cross that off my hope list. Loved Emil and Tess singing. Every show seems to be doing the Glee thing. Lots of missed opportunities for our show’s couple. Even though we were supposed to get drunken and hungover excerpts, the narrative should have been more cohesive. And don’t get me started on how blondie has tainted the entire DCU! Maybe next episode, we’ll get some even better Clark and Lois moments. Yea, I know. Dream on! Can’t wait to get back to the Clark Kent show!